May May
May May (also spelt May-May or Maymay) is an extremely lengthy month which is full of stupidly named holidays and festivals. May May lasts for 1,800 days, beginning on the 6th of March. May May has also been called the "Month of Woe". Known Events Here is a list of all the known ceremonies that occur during May May. *The Evening of the Anarchistic Trumpet Playing *The Day of the Paintball Guns *The Alligator of Sacrifice *The Morning of the Destruction of the Highly Polished Musical Instruments *The Day of Profanities and Expletives *The Afternoon of the Touching of all of the Bread on the Supermarket Shelf *The Evening of Reading People's Newspaper When You Are Seated Behind Them on the Bus Home *The Grand Removal of the Panes of Glass From the Windows of the Houses of Strangers *The Great Annoying of the Dogs *The Day of Incessant Singing *The Day of Driving Like an Ass *The Day of Getting Someone to Punch You in the Face *The Night of Encouraging Animals to Move Faster Than They Might Otherwise Prefer *The Afternoon of Hiding Oneself in Obscure Places and then Jumping Out as to Frighten One's Siblings *The Day of Hurling Computers at Those More Fortunate Than Yourself *The Evening of Cooking The Mystery Pies From the Assorted Ingredients Of Cake, Meat, Apple, Arsenic, Flour and Uranium. *The Day of Slapping to Greet Instead of a Handshake. On the 1,800th Day of May May a special ceremony called The Last of the Cake begins. 200 people surround a birthday cake, with they must use to beat the other competitors to death with. They may not strike a competitor with their fist, only with cake. Only one man has ever won this ridiculous contest. Foundings of May May During the Great Ignorance of 1853, the cause of the Great Ignorance is somewhat unkown however we belive it occured after someone slapped a badgers face clean from it's body onto Chuck Norris who later went on to kill two stones with one bird and a Roundhouse Kick, a select few people were chosen to spectate for around 1,800 days until the had gathered the compleatly pointless information their superiors needed about the human race. Once this information was gathered it was the end of the Great Ignorance and nobody cared nuch anymore. However the multiple horrific events to occur during May May are to remind us of the sacrifice these people made to gather this utterly pointless information that nobody ever has, will or does care about. Illegality in America Barack Obama declared that May May was illegal in The USA after he was struck by some flying buttercream. Anyone who is found participating in any of the events listed above (and several of the ones that are not) will be left in an airtight room with a box of used matches and Gary Glitter. Anyone who survives this will be left in a call centre in Dubai where some idiots will ring up constantly for computer support, only to declare that the wretched machine was not plugged in.